What To Expect When You Come For Relationship Counselling

What happens in a relationship counselling session?

Couples experiencing relationship problems can benefit from a counselling session that focuses entirely on their relationship.

Many couples approach the first session with fears and apprehension but quickly adjust and come to appreciate the experience and the benefits.

The first session consists mainly of information gathering, and I will ask you to discuss your history and problems.

I will use various methods and techniques to help you solve your relationship problems. Techniques include open conversations, role modelling, role-playing and analysis of negative behaviour patterns.

Couples counsellors and professional psychologists are trained to avoid personal biases when counselling a couple.

Many couples feel anxious if they have never participated in relationship counselling.
Very often, couples have doubts about how the counsellor or therapist will behave during the conversation, whether the counsellor will take sides or what they may have to disclose during their couple counselling.

Although couples counselling may seem intimidating at first, many couples find their relationship benefits when they are open-minded and willing to work with their partner. Not only are couples able to resolve ongoing conflicts and problems, but the benefits have been shown to last for years after therapy

In many cases, I can narrow the therapy focus to identify the main issues to be addressed. Although each therapist has their own approach to relationship and couples counselling, there are some common elements. For example, communication problems, differences in values and expectations, and trust issues are some of the most common aspects of relationship conflict. 

HOW DO I PREPARE FOR MY FIRST COUPLES COUNSELLING SESSION?

It is not necessary to bring anything to your first couples counselling session or to prepare formally. Many couples like to think about why they are coming to counselling and what issues they want to discuss, but this is not essential.  

As an experienced couples counsellor, I will be able to get the process going by asking questions that will start to get you thinking and talking about the problems you and your partner are having in your relationship.

WHAT ISSUES ARE COVERED IN THE FIRST SESSION?

In the first session, the ground rules and boundaries of relationship counselling are established. In this first session, you and your partner can expect me to discuss confidentiality, reporting requirements (e.g., child abuse, etc.), their policies regarding refusals, and their methods when working with couples on relationship issues.

Once this information has been clarified, I will usually take a brief history describing the issues or problems that bring you to the consultation and the history of their relationship. 

Then, they may ask questions such as.

• What are the problems have you had in your relationship?

• How long have these problems been a problem in your relationship?

• Have you ever been to a relationship counsellor?

• What have you and your partner tried to resolve these problems?

• What are your expectations of couples counselling?

Thus, the first session consists mainly of information gathering, although real and important issues are often discussed and worked on in this first phase. The real counselling work usually begins in the second session, when I have a clearer picture of your problems, and all the "business" is done and clear to everyone.

HOW DOES A COUNSELLING SESSION UNFOLD?

Usually, both partners attend a counselling session together, at least at the beginning. 

This is to help build a relationship with the couple's counsellor that is clearly about the couple and their relationship. Some relationship counsellors and clients find it helpful to see the counsellor one-on-one before meeting again as a couple. Some relationship counsellors only see their clients when they meet. 

Suppose this is the case for you, but you have a particular problem that primarily affects you, such as depression or addiction. In that case, I may suggest that you see another psychologist or clinician for individual counselling to address that particular problem.

Couples counselling usually consists of a combination of different tasks.
The first task is to make you and your partner feel relaxed and comfortable. Counselling or therapy is about creating a climate of trust between us, and you feel comfortable and safe talking about issues that can be very personal and difficult to discuss.
A professional and ethical counsellor will strive to allow you to give your point of view when talking about the problems you and your partner are struggling with within your relationship.

The counsellor may use different methods to help you and your partner in the counselling process. These may include:-.

•     Openly discussing difficult issues

•     Sharing feelings

•     Analysing your patterns of behaviour and the way you communicate

•     Teaching techniques to help you improve your communication methods,

•     Role-playing,

•     Role modelling,

•     Asking you about your childhood and family history; or

•     pointing out discrepancies in the way you and your partner behave.

You may also be asked to complete projects or practice tasks (such as homework) between sessions to support the counselling process.
For example, you may be given a homework assignment on touching (giving yourself a non-sexual massage at least once before the next session), or you may be asked to write down your feelings or arguments in a journal 

and report on your experiences in the next session.

WHAT ABOUT THERAPIST BIAS?

Personal bias often concerns couples is the fear that the counsellor or psychologist will side with one during counselling. 

While this is undoubtedly a cause for concern, you will probably find that most ethical and professional counsellors are careful to ensure this never happens.
Both parties can discuss their views and experiences and even disagree during the process.

HOW CAN A COUPLE BENEFIT FROM COUPLES THERAPY?

Couples benefit from couples therapy in many ways. Very often, the cause of our relationship problems is not that we do not love and care for our partner but that we do not know how to communicate our wishes and needs.

Couples counselling can have, among other benefits, the following benefits.

We learn to communicate better and to listen to our partner without jumping to conclusions or starting an argument;

•     Learning to better understand our partner's struggles, challenges and fears;

•     Learn to argue and disagree without destroying each other in the process;

•     Improving intimacy, both sexual and non-sexual.

•     Learning to respect family relationships (especially in blended families);

•     Learning about personal boundaries and history that may not have known before

•     Deciding if the relationship is still salvageable;

•     Mediating a relationship that is coming to an end.

Are you looking at counselling for your marriage or relationship?
Contact Andrea for a quick chat to see what sort of counselling session will be best for you.